Thursday, December 13, 2012

Incomplete thoughts recorded here: what I thought needed discipline needed stewarding

Wow! Tonight I asked God about disciplining Izzy...and why sometimes I can't seem to get through to her. He made note that (right now) her inner-dialogue is yet louder than her sometimes is seemingly out of touch (with me/us/her physical surroundings), but reminded me not to train that out of her and even THAT is mine to tend or to squelch. How does one teach a 3 year old to filter her thoughts/feelings/sensations? To take ownership of an unction or deny it space? To recognize her own thoughts as a product of logic, reasoning, or process, God's voice as creative, uninhibited, and kind, and release the rest? While I want her to LISTEN TO ME when I speak, I know that she will almost naturally as a part of the overflow of the above. There's unspeakable value in learning to hear and respond to the Voice of God.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Greater Things

This morning I walked into a grocery store, if everything was if expecting something I'd find in there would satisfy. I walked through produce, meat department, dairy...the whole parameter while people in every direction filled their carts. I found myself being increasingly disgusted by the concept of filling my belly...when my spirit is in soooo much more need of filling. As dramatic as it may seem, I walked out empty-handed, eyes seeping tears, feeling as though I FINALLY SEE! What are these counterfeit wants?! I genuinely don't want for anything this world has to least not until my primary (spiritual) self is satisfied... Which is not. I want for more of what has not been seen! God, I want for more of what has not been experienced! In John 14:12 Jesus says, "I assure you, most solemnly I tell you, if anyone steadfastly believes in Me, he will himself be able to do the things that I do; and he will do even greater things than these, because I go to the Father." I want more of You within and all around truly walk in said "greater things!"

Monday, August 27, 2012

distractions prohibited (waiting in "drafts" since 2010)

i have this nagging feeling that there are big things coming, as in already on their way, nearing. in this season, i feel like my level of being blessed depends on my level of preparedness.

examples i see...

a jag driving by an owner who wants to give it away. they naturally drive past a house without a driveway. i'm saying you'd better pave your path and make a covered space. designate spaces in your life for God to fill.

i see...

ripe fruit falling from rows and rows of trees. get your blankets and baskets out to catch what's been perfected for you to enjoy, else what lays on the earth to be collected will be eaten up by the worms of the earth.

i see...

a young man looking for his bride, but overlooking her because he mistook her for taken. she did not properly draw her boundary lines (before he came).

it is important to be ready before you see your blessing coming. it is important to make space. it is important to designate or dedicate (a thing, an idea, a space, a change) to Him.

Lord, here's to those who read this and register. Ready us. Show us where to lay our blankets. Tell us when to build a garage.

You told Moses when and how to build a boat though he'd never seen rain. You told the wise men which star to follow, though Jesus had not yet been born. You told me when to leave Raleigh, though I'd not yet been laid off.

You've told me names. You've shown me political events. You've shown me battles and told me the outcome. Lord, I want to walk closer to You than ever before. If being chaste means more of You, then remove my taste for all foods. Discipline me. I want Your wisdom!

Set me on fire, and send them to watch me burn!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Free and secure

This is what I see...I am happily married, Ryan (Izzy's dad) is happily married, we all 4 individually love the Lord so much, and are devoted to one another (in couples) that the 2 couples can also be free to love and trust one another in life...not only with our mutual child (Israel), but also our individual children...that subsequent children could mutually see the others' parents as their second set, and as the others' children as their brothers and sisters. The closest worldly picture I have seen of this is of "God parents," I see not only Iz visiting Ry and his spouse and children but also entrusting them with my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th. And likewise, would love to sow into the lives of theirs. So that wherever we all may go, we may feel both free and secure.
I see this working well on many levels, but one I see clearly is in education. I see that we each may have strenghths and weaknesses, but with 4 loving parents rather than 2, responsibility can be divided taking away any unneccessary pressure, and the joys and satisfaction will be without division. I've never before seen so clearly the benefits and blessings He's presenting in this facet of my any given time, Iz will have 2 places she considers 100% home and twice as many incredible to call for every for advice, another to laugh, one to listen, and another to pray.
Thank You Lord for vision. Thank Youfor seeing in advance my need and paving a totally new way! Thank You for Who You Are.

Monday, April 25, 2011

(Holy) Sugar Daddy

This'll be quick, but I wanted to give a bit of encouragement to any of you who might be questioning how your bills will be paid and your children's mouths will be fed. I could tell you all day that He who created you is able to do above and beyond provision of basic need, but until He shows up and breathes life into the words, they fall on deaf ears. He blows! ;)

Last week, I had a quarter to my name after I THOUGHT that I emptied my wallet into the offering at Emanate (a gathering of young Jesus lovers that meet at Grace Center in Franklin, TN each Monday at 7:30). Then, I found out that the initial tax-return projection of -$180 was corrected to +$2,200! Then, I went out of town to see my grandparents for the weekend and escorted my grandpa to the bank where I simply thought he was making a standard deposit or withdrawal, but left with an envelope of $50s totaling +$1,000! Then, went to MO that night to see my other Granny who tucked another $50 bill into my hand! All that topped off by another few hundred dollars about to be deposited into my account by my daughter's father from across the country.

He told me He would provide. He did. He does. All day. Everyday. Thank You Abba for being You, beyond finances, You are Faithful! I have no reason to doubt the presence of Your plans in my life. You are here. You are alive. Very alive.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

New Thoughts From Old Thoughts

The Haftarah reading from Ezekiel 22 indicts Israel for failing to obey the Torah of Moses and consequently invokes the judgment of the LORD, which includes the Diaspora of the Jewish people:

"I will scatter you among the nations and disperse you through the countries, and I will consume your uncleanness out of you. And you shall be profaned by your own doing in the sight of the nations, and you shall know that I am the LORD."

Notice, however, that the purpose of the Diaspora is to "consume the uncleanness" out of the Jewish people, and therefore is ultimately restorative.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Current Vision Statement

I am vessel completely surrendered

To Israel first, then to the nations

I'll go
to model holiness
give honor
and release Kingdom strategy

intentionally pressing into discomfort

in order that His glory be known!