"Holiness is what I long for, Righteousness is what I need" to be FREE

i can remember in high school singing those words..."holiness is what i long for...righteiousness is what i need." now looking back, i realize it's just now i'm understanding what i was asking for and, more importantly, that He took me at my word!

this past week i visisted raleigh, nc, a place that i lived for a couple of years after college to begin my career. at the time i was partying, working like mad, and seeking His face (in that order). it wasn't until that list got turned upside down that i felt that i was being called away from there...or called for anything really.

now that i've been away a while, had some other life experiences...like being a mom (that's a big one), i can recall the reality that was raleigh. i drove up and down the same streets i drove drunk on. i was shocked by what difference a few years can make in one experience. this time, totally sober, drove with both hands on the wheel and my one and a half year old sleeping daughter in tow. no weaving in and out of lanes and laughing about it. what's crazier, i drove from one part of the city to another, the same path i took one too many times having made other alcohol-related decisions...i.e. shacking up with some guy(s) i hardly knew nor cared to know. i still hate to admit, there were some i can't even name. those trips home i'd often follow-up by brushing my teeth, changing my clothes, and heading to church to sit in the second row. so, this last week being able to more clearly see those former wounds was humbling, among other things (sickening, encouraging, driving...).

this time, being in raleigh i could smirk and even laugh--i beat my drum as i rush into battle against the sure loser. devil can't keep me down! i sing the slow sweet lyrics to that song..."holiness is what i long for..." and i know i'm well on my way to where He's called. "righteousness is what i need," i never knew that what i sang then would be so true!

sobriety. celebacy. clean eating. these ways, they are setting me free! free to not only hear but recognize His voice to direct my steps, free to enjoy the weightlessness of His pressence, freeing to my mind to dream big, to ask whatever i want and need, free to speak to creation, free to receive. i am free to go with His flow regardless of logic. freedom to walk without fear. freedom from obligation. i am freeeeeeeeeee and "righteousness IS what i need!" i only want more.

here's to Him! here's to Him, that He takes us at our word!

there is the power of life and of death in your tongue, whoever you are, wherever you are. what has He heard you say? what is creation acting on? i venture to say "righteousness is what (you) need" 'cause it's sooo soooo soo sooooooo good to be free!

be freed.