updates and more (stuff without spell check)

Hey all you encouraging people, you! :) I just wanted to post a quick update on our world-travels...and on our move (here within the states).



Funds have started rolling in for our move to NY, our first trip abroad is nearly paid for, and I'm now ahead on student loan payments. Thanks you all for seeding into this monster of a dream! Those of you who care so intimately for us that you have sent encouraging notes, made calls , or even met with us, be thanked and encouraged as well! You all are a part of revealing His goodness! In the process of said revealing, there are things to be learned, patience to be had...much to be burned, er refined. The process, while not always simple is beyond satisfying. So, I like to share it with you so that you too can perhaps find satisfaction in your process...



Transparency is key. Better yet, I find that it's not necissarily the transparency itself, but living a life that CAN be shared without temptation to hide. Sidenote: there's a certain conversational courtesy (I'm still pinning down) in respecting one's time and interest, to be an open-book without monopolizing conversation with mere verbal-diarrea.



Yarg. All that said. I plan to be transparent in this process. So, here's what's happening...



I am currently in Missouri visiting family for the holiday, will be back to Nashville area within a week. I have sold or given away the majority of my belongings, but what's left resides in storage in Nashville. Here's a short list of items still available for purchase, in support of our move to NY.



Antique Treasure Chest, nook, HD Projector, Bentwood Rocking Chair, a set of china for 8, a firm queen mattress and box spring, a Tempurpedic twin extra long mattress and frame, and a few baby-items...a portable high-chair, and bumbo.



I expected to be in NY by now, and I'm positive it is point B, but it seems there is a bit to be finished(or initiated so to bless point B) at point A, Nashville. As much as I feel that I am helping my parents spending time here in MO, I continue to have dreams that direct me elsewhere. Nashville is where I believe I'm to hover until the big move (north) east.



In my mind, I have a million-and-one reasons not to be there...

-I let my lease run out

-I am unsure of my time in TN, so I'm not signing a new binding lease

-I already got rid of my car

-I already told everyone I'm moving to NY and guess I've been hesitant to spend much more time there in fear of damaging my percieved integrity. As in, "you said you were going, so go!"

-...?



Funny, never before now had I written out those reasons. I'm surprised they ended after 4! That's all I've got. 4 reasons not to hang in Nashville 'til I feel peace about a specific NY address. If I'm honest with myself and you...I have to highlight the final reason...screw perceptions. I am going. I just haven't yet and this is part of me embracing my process. My being (still) in Nashville in no way negates the fact that I am hearing from my God. LOL. That REALLY must've been what I was fearing....hahahhaaa He nor His voice need no protection nor explanation. *sigh* All 4 reasons are bunk. More on a temporary Nashville home after this.



I had a seemingly perfect living situation in Brooklyn planned out, but when the time came to sign/pay/go...there was no peace. I released that option. In this season, I'm learning that not all options are opportunities. I said no to something/someone who was pretty much ideal and now wait for only-God-knows-what. My expectations are being challenged...not to lower expectations, but to turn them on their head. I have no idea what form this NY address comes in, but I'm thrilled for His surprises! I'm open to move as soon as Dec. 6, but don't know what the next door looks like nor when it will open. I refuse to make my own way. To Him be the glory! I will not impregnate Hagar. ;)



Now, Nashville. Get me to Nashville...like, now! I have placesI stay there and for all you who provide, thank you! However, it seems my temporary-stint has far outlasted the bag I packed in preparation for 2 weeks of couches. I need a room in Davidson or Wllaimson Co, preferably with access to a working kitchen. I cook, clean, and have money to pay rent...I just don't want a lease. I want to a) be ready to move anytime and b) ready to travel anytime...now, wout comprimising what's established with a and b, c) I want a place to unpack our few bags where our books and clothes have a designated area outside of said bags. If you know of a place, blessed space, or family with spare room...shoot me your ideas. Nothing is too far out there to consider. Jesus is King and I choose not to cap His gifts with my preconceived notions. :) I have a few ideas, but I will press nothing. :)



Progress on the fast: He continues to reveal His heart to me as well as highlight His intentions for me through it! He shows me how my attitude toward this fast is a metaphor for my obedience to Him in so many other aspects of my life. This fast is NOT about food, diet, weight-control, muscle-mass, my girlish-figure, money, time, or behaving. This fast is about the lasting impression He leaves on me and the one He intends me to leave on the world. In short, there are hard days...but all days are good days. I am sooo thankful for His increaingly clear ongoing calling!



Progress on sweet baby Israel: In a few short days she'll be 17 months old, so 1 and a half a couple days past this Christmas. She is healthy inside and out. She communicates beautifully with a vocabulary beyond many in her age range. Some of her first words were "happy," "noodle," and "tutu." She easily identifies, by name, herself, both parents, all 4 grandparents, my sister, her great-granny, and a handful of friends. She takes her own diapers to the trash can, wipes her own mouth, just learned how to turn a somersault, and has an outragously contageous laugh! She now has 10 teeth, 5 of which she's sprouted in the past 2 weeks. Dispite that discomfort, she's been a curteous travelor and in general, a pleasure to be around...even in the company of strangers where she was the guest of honor. She has stolen many hearts in our travels.



Updates on dreams/visions: There are many promises, in One direction with much encouragement and fine-tuning while I sleep. I've dreamt of safely leading others through and out of a battlefield, of being highly esteemed, of uncovering the devil's foolery, of blessing His people, and I am forever thankful for each syllable of each word He speaks. I pray eyes and ears open, mine and yours, today.



There are sooo many updates on life and beyond. I could go on, but I think I've covered more than the basics.



Bless you, who made it to the end of the never ending note...hahaha. You read this by choice. Thank you for caring more than the average bear. I pray increase and stunning favor over you, today. You're incredible. Please let me know if/when there is anything I can do for you, anyway I can serve or assist you. It's my pleasure to call you my friends!

Keep me posted. I'll keep you posted.

He'll lead you out

last night in my sleep, it was day
and i found myself in a battlefield
led by Holy Spirit, i was merely the vessel-body
there was danger all around
battle
but we were safe, i led them out

this morning i learned about the violence at the border of n and s korea
and there is peace
i know He led them out

IGNITING. PRIZED.

I did some research in efforts to better understand my dream from a few nights ago. There was a reverence for the white birch but more toward me and Iz who were the living breathing form of whatever it was the birch stood for. People excitedly took our photo(s) by the cluster of birch, as if we were stars on a red carpet posing in front of the poster for our newest flic. It was a warm moment.

Here's what I found...

Birches are versatile trees--they are highly adaptive and able to sustain harsh conditions with casual indifference. Proof of its adaptability is seen in its easy and eager ability to repopulate damamaged areas. The birch is a pioneer, courageously taking root and starting anew to revive landscape where no other would before.

Paradoxically, while the birch is a brilliant symbol of renewal, it is also symbolic of stability and structure as a long-honored keeper of tradition...carried as an igniter, a prized firewood, even burning wet. In that way, birch is associated with the feast of Pentecost...originally a Jewish Feast. For Christians in some countries, birch is used as decoration too. The imporance of it being a decoration at Pentecost is that Pentecost is when the Holy Spirit, according to Acts, descended on the disciples in the form of tongues of fire accompanied by the sound of a rush of wind, giving them the power of speaking in such a way that people of different languages could understand them.

That's the birch. That's who You say I am?! Igniting. Prized. Pioneering. Highly adaptive. Able to sustain harsh conditions with casual indifference. If that's me, Lord, thank You!

Thank You for encouragement and direction! Let Your kingdom come, now. I just wanna be with the One I love. I just wanna be with You. I'm here to give You praise! You take my breath away.

different sort of road

i know this city where im going, but know not this road i follow
feeling every bump and peeking out beyond every curve
in hopes to see my destination
bright lights and structures touching the sky
eye
i know this city where im going, but know not this road i follow
oh
dont let these distractions cost too much
i cant pay another day
hello guy i hardly know
no
no i dont want to go your way
so
solemnly i slide away
silently i turn away
so
hurridly i pass the other way
cause im waiting for the man i sleep and wake and know of to come home
home to this city i hardly know
theres not much more than that i know
so
all i say is no
no
to the guy i hardly know
i know not these people where im going, but know this urge i follow
feeling every bump and pushing beyond every nerve
within reach of destiny
bright lights and structures reaching for the sky
eye
i know, i know not this address where im going, but know this voice i follow
oh
shake and shiver
new york winter
or to keep my nashville home
revolving door, just take me somewhere
where where where
i can call my home
baby flies and bats her eyes
walks on clouds
and woos the crowds no matter where we land
i know this city where im going, but this is a different sort of road i follow
feeling every brake and leaning into every turn
holding my breath to see my destination
city lights and elevators to the sky
eye
i hear sounds of this city where im going, but do they know this God i follow
oh
thunder claps and lightening bolts cant keep me from edging on
with His voice comes an outpouring from the sky
oh
on high
its Your dear
i call on Your name, spare me from pain
i know im not making this move in vain
so lead me in my sleep
show me in shallow what many count as deep
i dream of this city You sent me
reveal to me secrets of this road i follow
so
walk me into Your city
beyond every bump beyond every turn
show me Your city tonight when i close my eyes
bright lights and mansions in the sky
breath on me so that a simple touch will open their eyes
Lord, touch this city where im going
let them know Youre the One to follow
blow on this different sort of road

"Holiness is what I long for, Righteousness is what I need" to be FREE

i can remember in high school singing those words..."holiness is what i long for...righteiousness is what i need." now looking back, i realize it's just now i'm understanding what i was asking for and, more importantly, that He took me at my word!

this past week i visisted raleigh, nc, a place that i lived for a couple of years after college to begin my career. at the time i was partying, working like mad, and seeking His face (in that order). it wasn't until that list got turned upside down that i felt that i was being called away from there...or called for anything really.

now that i've been away a while, had some other life experiences...like being a mom (that's a big one), i can recall the reality that was raleigh. i drove up and down the same streets i drove drunk on. i was shocked by what difference a few years can make in one experience. this time, totally sober, drove with both hands on the wheel and my one and a half year old sleeping daughter in tow. no weaving in and out of lanes and laughing about it. what's crazier, i drove from one part of the city to another, the same path i took one too many times having made other alcohol-related decisions...i.e. shacking up with some guy(s) i hardly knew nor cared to know. i still hate to admit, there were some i can't even name. those trips home i'd often follow-up by brushing my teeth, changing my clothes, and heading to church to sit in the second row. so, this last week being able to more clearly see those former wounds was humbling, among other things (sickening, encouraging, driving...).

this time, being in raleigh i could smirk and even laugh--i beat my drum as i rush into battle against the sure loser. devil can't keep me down! i sing the slow sweet lyrics to that song..."holiness is what i long for..." and i know i'm well on my way to where He's called. "righteousness is what i need," i never knew that what i sang then would be so true!

sobriety. celebacy. clean eating. these ways, they are setting me free! free to not only hear but recognize His voice to direct my steps, free to enjoy the weightlessness of His pressence, freeing to my mind to dream big, to ask whatever i want and need, free to speak to creation, free to receive. i am free to go with His flow regardless of logic. freedom to walk without fear. freedom from obligation. i am freeeeeeeeeee and "righteousness IS what i need!" i only want more.

here's to Him! here's to Him, that He takes us at our word!

there is the power of life and of death in your tongue, whoever you are, wherever you are. what has He heard you say? what is creation acting on? i venture to say "righteousness is what (you) need" 'cause it's sooo soooo soo sooooooo good to be free!

be freed.

a short dream that reveals the source of obstacles in receiving the blessings of God

i had a long series of dreams last night, many details of which had drifted from my awareness by the time i threw back the blinds this morning, but here's what i do recall...

i was in my parents' house and it snowed. when i looked outside the snow was mounted so high that i couldn't imagine getting out. so i stayed in. after what seemed like a long time i decided to risk busting my butt going down the hill and getting cold and wet to get the mail as i had been expecting something. when i went outside, it seemed no one else was hindered by the snow...in fact, no one else's house was covered! it wasn't cold out, nor was the snow even cold or wet! i didn't care to take time to track down the source of all this mess, but obviously someone had mounted a faux snow blowing machine at the address i currently reside, funny. anywho, i was glad to be outdoors and excitedly skipped down the hill to the mailbox to see if what i had been expecting had arrived. it had! i opened the mailbox to find stacks of catalogues, bridal catalogues stuffed between celebrity-type magazines/junk-mail. before even walking away from the mailbox, i contacted meghan (a good girl friend of mine) to let her know they had come and had likely been there waiting for me all along. she laughed and told me she wasn't going to wear anything sleeveless.

i just hadn't gotten to the box due to the snow, which at the time seemed a very practical excuse. so funny/sad that i wasn't really ever homebound, it was all just a facade, threatening my body with a chill that didn't exist!

okay, so what does that mean to me? what i've digested thus far is this...

1) my practical answer to living in this season has placed me at my parents' house (due to a combination of promises and conclusions, note promises are +, conclusions are -).
2) i need to consider whether my reasoning is a)fear-based (i.e. limited finances) b)has any truth at all or if it's just a facade created by the enemy to keep me from God's promises
3) have His promises already been delivered? have i simply delayed my reciept of them due to staying here, in Missouri?
4) does this particular promise that i am to ready myself to receive have anything to do with a husband?
5) if so, God, if fear were absent (and it is, 'cause i'm giving it over to YOU), where would you have me go in the interim (pre-NY)? where do you have a place for me? nashville? new york? am i to begin my international travels?
6) also, if You have readied my husband which You've been preparing a long while, is there anything you'd like to address about my heart? my past? my present? anything to heal before i am ready to receive? if so, let's do this! bring it on!
7) if not a husband, You're promises are good and are real and are prepared specially for me. ready me, ready me now! i want it ALL!

let this be an encouragement. your dreams are real and they are from your Creator. He wants to talk with you about your very real life, obsticals, challenges, hurts, dreams, lies, your future, His plans and yours. He is always with you, even in your sleep. <3

The Answerer

"Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you and pray to the Lord on their behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare."
-Jeremiah 29:11

How strangely wonderful is it that His word is Living Word! I don't know how many times in my life I've read over or at very lease scanned the above verse, yet never has it spoken to me sooo loud as it has in this season of my life.

I am moving to New York by divine appointment. At first I resisted, but since I have turned and said YES LORD my heart has changed (much like my heart has changed for Israel via another God-said I at first resisted). That said, I LOVE NEW YORK. I love the people. I love the dirt they stand on! And since I've said yes, I've been seeking preparation to go. I let my Nashville lease expire, sold much, and boxed and stored the rest. I then set about asking God to be highlighted to the vital connections He sought to bring me in connection with...what a prayer! What an answer! Moreover, what an Answerer!

I have set along my merry way telling God I will say yes to anything He's asked anyone where they have said no. Hahahaa He liked that idea and has furthermore set along His merry way guiding me in the way above and beyond a singular place, great or small, to say point B is not as I thought. And yet, it is. It is New York. However, it is not contained by New York. As New York, He's showing me is both (a) desitination and (the) journey. Wow, God, wow!

This is what I'm trying to get out...He's giving me not only the wisdom of WHAT but the HOW-TO, or in my case, the WHO-TO. :) Since the time I've said Yes to NY I've further cultivated existing NY relationships, gained new ones, gained Haiti, Israel, India, Mozambique, and Uganda connections. There too are other parts of the world He's reminding me I have existing connections that will come into play at somepoint, soon or not. Though NY has yet to materialize, I see His hand a work in a mightier way than I could've imagined.

The world suggests we aim (strive) for the stars and even if (we miss and) land on the moon (it's OK), but The Answerer suggests life can be different saying "seek, first, the kingdom of God and His righteousness, then ALL these (other) things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33

All I did was answer YES to the Answerer and HE, in turn, has answered YES to me. Let my account encourage you, say YES!

I have found my welfare.