updates and more (stuff without spell check)

Hey all you encouraging people, you! :) I just wanted to post a quick update on our world-travels...and on our move (here within the states).



Funds have started rolling in for our move to NY, our first trip abroad is nearly paid for, and I'm now ahead on student loan payments. Thanks you all for seeding into this monster of a dream! Those of you who care so intimately for us that you have sent encouraging notes, made calls , or even met with us, be thanked and encouraged as well! You all are a part of revealing His goodness! In the process of said revealing, there are things to be learned, patience to be had...much to be burned, er refined. The process, while not always simple is beyond satisfying. So, I like to share it with you so that you too can perhaps find satisfaction in your process...



Transparency is key. Better yet, I find that it's not necissarily the transparency itself, but living a life that CAN be shared without temptation to hide. Sidenote: there's a certain conversational courtesy (I'm still pinning down) in respecting one's time and interest, to be an open-book without monopolizing conversation with mere verbal-diarrea.



Yarg. All that said. I plan to be transparent in this process. So, here's what's happening...



I am currently in Missouri visiting family for the holiday, will be back to Nashville area within a week. I have sold or given away the majority of my belongings, but what's left resides in storage in Nashville. Here's a short list of items still available for purchase, in support of our move to NY.



Antique Treasure Chest, nook, HD Projector, Bentwood Rocking Chair, a set of china for 8, a firm queen mattress and box spring, a Tempurpedic twin extra long mattress and frame, and a few baby-items...a portable high-chair, and bumbo.



I expected to be in NY by now, and I'm positive it is point B, but it seems there is a bit to be finished(or initiated so to bless point B) at point A, Nashville. As much as I feel that I am helping my parents spending time here in MO, I continue to have dreams that direct me elsewhere. Nashville is where I believe I'm to hover until the big move (north) east.



In my mind, I have a million-and-one reasons not to be there...

-I let my lease run out

-I am unsure of my time in TN, so I'm not signing a new binding lease

-I already got rid of my car

-I already told everyone I'm moving to NY and guess I've been hesitant to spend much more time there in fear of damaging my percieved integrity. As in, "you said you were going, so go!"

-...?



Funny, never before now had I written out those reasons. I'm surprised they ended after 4! That's all I've got. 4 reasons not to hang in Nashville 'til I feel peace about a specific NY address. If I'm honest with myself and you...I have to highlight the final reason...screw perceptions. I am going. I just haven't yet and this is part of me embracing my process. My being (still) in Nashville in no way negates the fact that I am hearing from my God. LOL. That REALLY must've been what I was fearing....hahahhaaa He nor His voice need no protection nor explanation. *sigh* All 4 reasons are bunk. More on a temporary Nashville home after this.



I had a seemingly perfect living situation in Brooklyn planned out, but when the time came to sign/pay/go...there was no peace. I released that option. In this season, I'm learning that not all options are opportunities. I said no to something/someone who was pretty much ideal and now wait for only-God-knows-what. My expectations are being challenged...not to lower expectations, but to turn them on their head. I have no idea what form this NY address comes in, but I'm thrilled for His surprises! I'm open to move as soon as Dec. 6, but don't know what the next door looks like nor when it will open. I refuse to make my own way. To Him be the glory! I will not impregnate Hagar. ;)



Now, Nashville. Get me to Nashville...like, now! I have placesI stay there and for all you who provide, thank you! However, it seems my temporary-stint has far outlasted the bag I packed in preparation for 2 weeks of couches. I need a room in Davidson or Wllaimson Co, preferably with access to a working kitchen. I cook, clean, and have money to pay rent...I just don't want a lease. I want to a) be ready to move anytime and b) ready to travel anytime...now, wout comprimising what's established with a and b, c) I want a place to unpack our few bags where our books and clothes have a designated area outside of said bags. If you know of a place, blessed space, or family with spare room...shoot me your ideas. Nothing is too far out there to consider. Jesus is King and I choose not to cap His gifts with my preconceived notions. :) I have a few ideas, but I will press nothing. :)



Progress on the fast: He continues to reveal His heart to me as well as highlight His intentions for me through it! He shows me how my attitude toward this fast is a metaphor for my obedience to Him in so many other aspects of my life. This fast is NOT about food, diet, weight-control, muscle-mass, my girlish-figure, money, time, or behaving. This fast is about the lasting impression He leaves on me and the one He intends me to leave on the world. In short, there are hard days...but all days are good days. I am sooo thankful for His increaingly clear ongoing calling!



Progress on sweet baby Israel: In a few short days she'll be 17 months old, so 1 and a half a couple days past this Christmas. She is healthy inside and out. She communicates beautifully with a vocabulary beyond many in her age range. Some of her first words were "happy," "noodle," and "tutu." She easily identifies, by name, herself, both parents, all 4 grandparents, my sister, her great-granny, and a handful of friends. She takes her own diapers to the trash can, wipes her own mouth, just learned how to turn a somersault, and has an outragously contageous laugh! She now has 10 teeth, 5 of which she's sprouted in the past 2 weeks. Dispite that discomfort, she's been a curteous travelor and in general, a pleasure to be around...even in the company of strangers where she was the guest of honor. She has stolen many hearts in our travels.



Updates on dreams/visions: There are many promises, in One direction with much encouragement and fine-tuning while I sleep. I've dreamt of safely leading others through and out of a battlefield, of being highly esteemed, of uncovering the devil's foolery, of blessing His people, and I am forever thankful for each syllable of each word He speaks. I pray eyes and ears open, mine and yours, today.



There are sooo many updates on life and beyond. I could go on, but I think I've covered more than the basics.



Bless you, who made it to the end of the never ending note...hahaha. You read this by choice. Thank you for caring more than the average bear. I pray increase and stunning favor over you, today. You're incredible. Please let me know if/when there is anything I can do for you, anyway I can serve or assist you. It's my pleasure to call you my friends!

Keep me posted. I'll keep you posted.

He'll lead you out

last night in my sleep, it was day
and i found myself in a battlefield
led by Holy Spirit, i was merely the vessel-body
there was danger all around
battle
but we were safe, i led them out

this morning i learned about the violence at the border of n and s korea
and there is peace
i know He led them out

IGNITING. PRIZED.

I did some research in efforts to better understand my dream from a few nights ago. There was a reverence for the white birch but more toward me and Iz who were the living breathing form of whatever it was the birch stood for. People excitedly took our photo(s) by the cluster of birch, as if we were stars on a red carpet posing in front of the poster for our newest flic. It was a warm moment.

Here's what I found...

Birches are versatile trees--they are highly adaptive and able to sustain harsh conditions with casual indifference. Proof of its adaptability is seen in its easy and eager ability to repopulate damamaged areas. The birch is a pioneer, courageously taking root and starting anew to revive landscape where no other would before.

Paradoxically, while the birch is a brilliant symbol of renewal, it is also symbolic of stability and structure as a long-honored keeper of tradition...carried as an igniter, a prized firewood, even burning wet. In that way, birch is associated with the feast of Pentecost...originally a Jewish Feast. For Christians in some countries, birch is used as decoration too. The imporance of it being a decoration at Pentecost is that Pentecost is when the Holy Spirit, according to Acts, descended on the disciples in the form of tongues of fire accompanied by the sound of a rush of wind, giving them the power of speaking in such a way that people of different languages could understand them.

That's the birch. That's who You say I am?! Igniting. Prized. Pioneering. Highly adaptive. Able to sustain harsh conditions with casual indifference. If that's me, Lord, thank You!

Thank You for encouragement and direction! Let Your kingdom come, now. I just wanna be with the One I love. I just wanna be with You. I'm here to give You praise! You take my breath away.

different sort of road

i know this city where im going, but know not this road i follow
feeling every bump and peeking out beyond every curve
in hopes to see my destination
bright lights and structures touching the sky
eye
i know this city where im going, but know not this road i follow
oh
dont let these distractions cost too much
i cant pay another day
hello guy i hardly know
no
no i dont want to go your way
so
solemnly i slide away
silently i turn away
so
hurridly i pass the other way
cause im waiting for the man i sleep and wake and know of to come home
home to this city i hardly know
theres not much more than that i know
so
all i say is no
no
to the guy i hardly know
i know not these people where im going, but know this urge i follow
feeling every bump and pushing beyond every nerve
within reach of destiny
bright lights and structures reaching for the sky
eye
i know, i know not this address where im going, but know this voice i follow
oh
shake and shiver
new york winter
or to keep my nashville home
revolving door, just take me somewhere
where where where
i can call my home
baby flies and bats her eyes
walks on clouds
and woos the crowds no matter where we land
i know this city where im going, but this is a different sort of road i follow
feeling every brake and leaning into every turn
holding my breath to see my destination
city lights and elevators to the sky
eye
i hear sounds of this city where im going, but do they know this God i follow
oh
thunder claps and lightening bolts cant keep me from edging on
with His voice comes an outpouring from the sky
oh
on high
its Your dear
i call on Your name, spare me from pain
i know im not making this move in vain
so lead me in my sleep
show me in shallow what many count as deep
i dream of this city You sent me
reveal to me secrets of this road i follow
so
walk me into Your city
beyond every bump beyond every turn
show me Your city tonight when i close my eyes
bright lights and mansions in the sky
breath on me so that a simple touch will open their eyes
Lord, touch this city where im going
let them know Youre the One to follow
blow on this different sort of road

"Holiness is what I long for, Righteousness is what I need" to be FREE

i can remember in high school singing those words..."holiness is what i long for...righteiousness is what i need." now looking back, i realize it's just now i'm understanding what i was asking for and, more importantly, that He took me at my word!

this past week i visisted raleigh, nc, a place that i lived for a couple of years after college to begin my career. at the time i was partying, working like mad, and seeking His face (in that order). it wasn't until that list got turned upside down that i felt that i was being called away from there...or called for anything really.

now that i've been away a while, had some other life experiences...like being a mom (that's a big one), i can recall the reality that was raleigh. i drove up and down the same streets i drove drunk on. i was shocked by what difference a few years can make in one experience. this time, totally sober, drove with both hands on the wheel and my one and a half year old sleeping daughter in tow. no weaving in and out of lanes and laughing about it. what's crazier, i drove from one part of the city to another, the same path i took one too many times having made other alcohol-related decisions...i.e. shacking up with some guy(s) i hardly knew nor cared to know. i still hate to admit, there were some i can't even name. those trips home i'd often follow-up by brushing my teeth, changing my clothes, and heading to church to sit in the second row. so, this last week being able to more clearly see those former wounds was humbling, among other things (sickening, encouraging, driving...).

this time, being in raleigh i could smirk and even laugh--i beat my drum as i rush into battle against the sure loser. devil can't keep me down! i sing the slow sweet lyrics to that song..."holiness is what i long for..." and i know i'm well on my way to where He's called. "righteousness is what i need," i never knew that what i sang then would be so true!

sobriety. celebacy. clean eating. these ways, they are setting me free! free to not only hear but recognize His voice to direct my steps, free to enjoy the weightlessness of His pressence, freeing to my mind to dream big, to ask whatever i want and need, free to speak to creation, free to receive. i am free to go with His flow regardless of logic. freedom to walk without fear. freedom from obligation. i am freeeeeeeeeee and "righteousness IS what i need!" i only want more.

here's to Him! here's to Him, that He takes us at our word!

there is the power of life and of death in your tongue, whoever you are, wherever you are. what has He heard you say? what is creation acting on? i venture to say "righteousness is what (you) need" 'cause it's sooo soooo soo sooooooo good to be free!

be freed.

a short dream that reveals the source of obstacles in receiving the blessings of God

i had a long series of dreams last night, many details of which had drifted from my awareness by the time i threw back the blinds this morning, but here's what i do recall...

i was in my parents' house and it snowed. when i looked outside the snow was mounted so high that i couldn't imagine getting out. so i stayed in. after what seemed like a long time i decided to risk busting my butt going down the hill and getting cold and wet to get the mail as i had been expecting something. when i went outside, it seemed no one else was hindered by the snow...in fact, no one else's house was covered! it wasn't cold out, nor was the snow even cold or wet! i didn't care to take time to track down the source of all this mess, but obviously someone had mounted a faux snow blowing machine at the address i currently reside, funny. anywho, i was glad to be outdoors and excitedly skipped down the hill to the mailbox to see if what i had been expecting had arrived. it had! i opened the mailbox to find stacks of catalogues, bridal catalogues stuffed between celebrity-type magazines/junk-mail. before even walking away from the mailbox, i contacted meghan (a good girl friend of mine) to let her know they had come and had likely been there waiting for me all along. she laughed and told me she wasn't going to wear anything sleeveless.

i just hadn't gotten to the box due to the snow, which at the time seemed a very practical excuse. so funny/sad that i wasn't really ever homebound, it was all just a facade, threatening my body with a chill that didn't exist!

okay, so what does that mean to me? what i've digested thus far is this...

1) my practical answer to living in this season has placed me at my parents' house (due to a combination of promises and conclusions, note promises are +, conclusions are -).
2) i need to consider whether my reasoning is a)fear-based (i.e. limited finances) b)has any truth at all or if it's just a facade created by the enemy to keep me from God's promises
3) have His promises already been delivered? have i simply delayed my reciept of them due to staying here, in Missouri?
4) does this particular promise that i am to ready myself to receive have anything to do with a husband?
5) if so, God, if fear were absent (and it is, 'cause i'm giving it over to YOU), where would you have me go in the interim (pre-NY)? where do you have a place for me? nashville? new york? am i to begin my international travels?
6) also, if You have readied my husband which You've been preparing a long while, is there anything you'd like to address about my heart? my past? my present? anything to heal before i am ready to receive? if so, let's do this! bring it on!
7) if not a husband, You're promises are good and are real and are prepared specially for me. ready me, ready me now! i want it ALL!

let this be an encouragement. your dreams are real and they are from your Creator. He wants to talk with you about your very real life, obsticals, challenges, hurts, dreams, lies, your future, His plans and yours. He is always with you, even in your sleep. <3

The Answerer

"Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you and pray to the Lord on their behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare."
-Jeremiah 29:11

How strangely wonderful is it that His word is Living Word! I don't know how many times in my life I've read over or at very lease scanned the above verse, yet never has it spoken to me sooo loud as it has in this season of my life.

I am moving to New York by divine appointment. At first I resisted, but since I have turned and said YES LORD my heart has changed (much like my heart has changed for Israel via another God-said I at first resisted). That said, I LOVE NEW YORK. I love the people. I love the dirt they stand on! And since I've said yes, I've been seeking preparation to go. I let my Nashville lease expire, sold much, and boxed and stored the rest. I then set about asking God to be highlighted to the vital connections He sought to bring me in connection with...what a prayer! What an answer! Moreover, what an Answerer!

I have set along my merry way telling God I will say yes to anything He's asked anyone where they have said no. Hahahaa He liked that idea and has furthermore set along His merry way guiding me in the way above and beyond a singular place, great or small, to say point B is not as I thought. And yet, it is. It is New York. However, it is not contained by New York. As New York, He's showing me is both (a) desitination and (the) journey. Wow, God, wow!

This is what I'm trying to get out...He's giving me not only the wisdom of WHAT but the HOW-TO, or in my case, the WHO-TO. :) Since the time I've said Yes to NY I've further cultivated existing NY relationships, gained new ones, gained Haiti, Israel, India, Mozambique, and Uganda connections. There too are other parts of the world He's reminding me I have existing connections that will come into play at somepoint, soon or not. Though NY has yet to materialize, I see His hand a work in a mightier way than I could've imagined.

The world suggests we aim (strive) for the stars and even if (we miss and) land on the moon (it's OK), but The Answerer suggests life can be different saying "seek, first, the kingdom of God and His righteousness, then ALL these (other) things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33

All I did was answer YES to the Answerer and HE, in turn, has answered YES to me. Let my account encourage you, say YES!

I have found my welfare.

Prophets' Visions From 2 Years Ago (via Elijah List) - My Encouragement

Bob and Bonnie Jones and Jeff Jansen:
"New Apostolic Government in Place by 2012 and "God is Not Disappointed in You"
There has recently been a release and demonstration of God's mighty power in the earth. We have seen the sick healed, families restored, and the dead raised by means of the spoken word through television. We've witnessed all sorts of creative miracles: the blind can see, the deaf can hear, and tumors have dissolved.
There is a quick maturity and growth happening in the sons and daughters of God because of the extreme acceleration released in the glory of God. However, these powerful displays of the Kingdom are only "Previews of the Coming Attraction!"
Bonnie Jones' Dream
In a recent dream, Bonnie Jones was visited by the Lord. In the dream, the Lord came to Bonnie and led her on a journey. The first place the Lord took Bonnie was a massive storehouse filled with organs and body parts. The Lord allowed Bonnie to put her right hand (faith) into this storehouse where she held all different types of organs and limbs. She felt He was teaching her to have the faith "of" God, not faith "in" God.
The Lord continued to escort Bonnie on the journey. The next place was on a bridge and then over railroad tracks. The bridge and the railroad tracks formed a cross, symbolizing "righteousness and justice."
Next they went to 22nd Street. The Lord was giving her the key of David out of Isaiah 22:22, "Then I will set the key of the house of David on His shoulder, when He opens no one will shut, when He shuts no one will open." She looked up and in the distance saw Lake Superior. The Lord is about to do something far superior to what we've recently witnessed.
Next she was holding a map. The instructions said, "When you come to 9th Street, take a hard right." When they took a right on 9th Street the dream ended.
Bonnie is from Ohio, so when she woke up she knew where Lake Erie was, but not exactly where the other Great Lakes were. She decided to check the atlas and found where she was in the dream while looking at Lake Superior. She was in the extreme northern point of Wisconsin in an unincorporated village named Cornucopia - which represents an "open portal and the blessings of God." Looking straight ahead at Lake Superior are the 22 Apostle Islands. Interestingly enough, there are 22 apostles recorded in the New Testament.
True Apostles are Being Released
What Bonnie saw in this visionary encounter with the Lord is parabolic of what God is bringing in this hour. In this season the Lord is restoring true apostles in the earth. As this apostolic government comes into view and is established, the Lord is releasing new keys - governmental keys of Kingdom authority that will be matched by no other generation.
Creative miracles, signs, and wonders will be witnessed in unparalleled ways as the Lord firmly establishes and confirms this new government. It will look nothing like what we've witnessed or heard of to date. There will be upheavals and shakings in the earth that will confirm what is happening in the spiritual - the natural proclaiming the spiritual.
What the Lord is about to do is far superior to anything He has done before. Creative miracles - arms, legs, body parts, and organs will come down from Heaven. There will be no ebb - no end! Your source is in Heaven, and this Heavenly warehouse is opening. Body parts will be issued to the Body, but there needs to be a government to do this. This will not be about a certain leader or leaders in particular, but an entire Church government and Body that will function in unity. This will be miraculous in itself.
A New Apostolic Government by 2012
In the last 30 years we've seen a restoration of the prophetic - true prophets have been restored to the Church. But now we are about to see a restoration of the apostolic - true apostles are arising. The prophets bring the revelation and the apostles bring the application.
These apostles will be men and women like Joshua - leaders that bring the rest into the Promised Land. These apostles will not be appointed by man, but by God. In fact, many of them will look extremely different from what we would call "apostolic." This new breed of apostolic order will not fear losing their reputation nor be concerned about what the newspapers are saying, but rather, they will speak what the real news is. The secular newspapers won't judge the Church; it will be the other way around.
You can't persecute the anointing and the glory of God or you'll miss it. These apostles will speak to nations and cause a shift in the natural and the spiritual. Revival will break out and new regions will be changed as the Lord establishes new governmental order. This is not a man thing…this is a God thing!
We will see an entirely new apostolic government in place by 2012. At this time, we will see the Church being put together and growing into a habitation for the Spirit of God: "...in whom the whole building, being fitted together, is growing into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together into a dwelling of God in the Spirit" (Ephesians 2:21-22).
The Coming Election and the Angel Named Union
Right now it is extremely important to pray for the coming election. The winds of change are blowing. We must pray for this Godly Vice President. September is the month that will make the difference - this is the month it begins. Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, starts the night of September 29th.
Right now God is harvesting harvesters for the great harvest. By 2012 we will see a genuine apostolic government in place. From there we will see others come alongside and do what they are called to do.
We are in the middle of one of the greatest changes in history. These next eight years will be full of joy if the Church steps into authority and God's righteous people are elected. It's time to begin to bless instead of curse. The mind of Christ will be released to true followers with a fresh vision, new anointing, and plenty of provision.
We are going to see Roe vs. Wade overturned. It's time to bless the United States and not curse her. Bob Jones heard Kate Smith singing God Bless America. This is the United States of America. We are united by diversity, and the angel over this nation is named "Union" - we are united by diversity and strengthened by union.
Past Disappointments and Expectations
In a vision on August 31, 2008, Bob saw that many people were imprisoned by their lost expectations. What they expected out of their lives had not come to pass.
Past disappointments or expectations for our lives have imprisoned us. And when you look back to your past expectations, you have no vision for your future.
Your failures were steppingstones from your past; steppingstones into His presence and your future. It's time for you to flush your past and let it be gone from you. The Lord is commissioning you - giving you a mission; vision for the future.
There is a remnant left who remain; they really believe God and have kept their spirits and consciences clean. The Lord is not disappointed in them. However, they've become disappointed in themselves. But the Lord says to you that your disappointment was His opportunity.
So our past disappointments rob us from our future vision because God is saying:
"I'm not disappointed in you because of your failed expectations, for they were My opportunity to change your life for My purpose.
"Your disappointments or expectations were stepping stones to My presence and now - I'm going to demand that you flush them and look to the future - not the past, for those who look to the past have no future! I now have My Spirit in many of My people."

In the vision, Bob saw that many of God's saints' consciences (or their spirits) were clean, but their minds weren't. And the Holy Spirit is dealing with the mind of those who have not come to the place where they thought they should be.
God says, "Their conscience is clean and now I'm going to cleanse their soul, because I'm going to use their soul and their spirit to reveal My Kingdom. So now I begin a work of cleansing their soul, so their soul might be a partaker of My Divine Nature.
"You're actually ready in the spirit. Now I'm preparing your soul, for I'm going to use both soul and spirit. And the soul is what I'm preparing.

"I just want you to know that I'm not disappointed in you and I've brought you to the place where your future in Me shall be fruit." Amen.

the fire and the flow

last night i dreamt i stood in a long line. i was nearing the front when i heard grumbling from the person directly behind me. i turned toward them to offer an alternate option; while speaking i used my hands.

i noticed their response to my offer was larger than anticpated. the response had grown from singular interest in what i was offering to the girl behind, and then the next group of people and on back. it spread like fire. their overwhelming response to me was in quick grasps of breath YES, MORE, PLEASE!

at first i spoke only into one set of eyes, and only gestured mildly, but it quickly became evident that the combination of vocalizing and opening my palms was very powerful. i sensed there was something coming from my physical body that was more than physical, and was evident by the a) wide-eyed awe of the ever closing-in crowd and b) by the bodies bobbling backward to the ground as if pushed. this both surprised me and made me laugh.

whatever IT was, IT was pouring out through my voice and my palms. so i spoke louder, through laughter, and swung my arms wider until the entire line behind me was grounded.

i'm fairly sure the line was to an alter of sorts to receive prayer/healing/deliverance. i was then left as the last one to be filled up that day, but oh how the fire flowed thru me! hahahhaaa

like a dream

today, after taking my sister lunch i received a call from her to come over to a friend's place "Cloverdale Ranch" where she was house-sitting to pilfer through some antique jewerly she had been presented with by a friend who was purging. this didn't initially spark any recollection of things that my dreams are made of, regardless, i went because i love my sister and also was curious about said jewelry.

i got there. i walked with her through the massive house to the garden where we trimmed some basil and lavender. when we came back in, she pointed toward the front room where she had placed the antique jewelry stash, telling me to go ahead and look through and and take whatever i want as my own.

i walked to the couch, still without any thought of coorilation. i sat down and shuttered. there beside me was a paper bag, just like that in my dream (of former blog, "spoils of war"). i reached in and pulled out piece after piece of jewelry that was once worn by people who lived and were vibrant, now (judging by the style and age of these pieces) were likely dead and gone.

i handled each piece with care and have since left with a few gems as proof to myself of manifestation of His promises.

overlooked

i dreamt izzy and i were at some sort of small event (thinking church event - like a family fun night) in a different country where we were visiting. there was only one other American there, a male who was only an acquaintance. there was a loud noise outside and someone came running into the building screaming that "they were coming!" it was chaotic, everyone scrambled to gather their families and hide. we were seperated from the other American, but remained calm. i held izzy against me as we made our way toward the exit. a man in military garb busted in. we were face to face with him. he pushed passed us, unscathed by the fact we were making our way into the crowded street. i knew they were looking for us, but they didn't expect their description to include us. they knew they were looking for an American who was important to ______-mission or the opposing force. they thought the person they were looking for was a)male b)a spy of sorts due to the knowledge they had accessed. they also had vague details that weren't fully accurate, like *he* eats like a Jew. the soldier who pushed passed us wouldn't expect a young woman and her child to be vital to any military mission. so, we entered the streets of this country...full of confusion...some streets had blockaids...others were simply swarming with military force of sorts.

a few days passed and things had settled down a bit, but the search continued. the military had taken up residence in this city. we walked down the street, through the outdoor markets, through the culturally rich areas of the city. looking around, i knew the next state of things for certain buildings. one that stands out would be burnt to the ground but would be re-built there on the river but take on a differnt form...museum or theatre of sorts. across the way, we ate on the outdoor balcony of a restaurant. there were 3 men enjoying themselves at the restaurant bar within view. 1 glanced our way a few times during our meal. at the end of our meal, our server asked if we'd be having dessert. Izzy asked (a typical question for us) if the dessert had milk in it. I don't recall the server's response, but the 1 man at the bar had obviously been tuning in. He perked up, but also looked perplexed. i pretended not to notice. Izzy and I paid and left. As we did, this 1 man also paid and broke away from his buddies at the bar to follow us out...even held the door and made an effort to strike up friendly conversation.

I'm not sure that he was part of the military group looking for us, but I'm sure he had heard what they were looking for. By Izzy's request at the restaurant, he knew 1 part, but by striking up conversation was trying to solidify our country of origin. I was hesitant to give away that part of our identity, but spoke kindly toward him anyways.

Around that time, I woke up. I'm not sure which side of things he was on, but fairly sure he was about to offer us a place to stay and/or a way out if we wanted it. I'm not sure that we wanted a way out, but I was sure he and his family were about to be blessed.

know the names of God, lest they be used against you

i dreamt the names of God were being used against His own people...it, sadly, was not even a covert opperation.

the names of God were being used against His people, because they did not know His Name...what it sounds or looks like! and the enemy laughed.

i saw a man telling these people how he was going to destroy them. in his description, he used a language THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN FAMILIAR WITH -- the language of God. it was a game for him...to vainly show-out in front of God as if saying "see, they don't even know who you are!"

what was bad, was that in many instances these people were claiming they were God's people, but they didn't know what God smelled-like, tasted-like, sounded-like. essentially, they didn't know His heart. therefore, this man (the evil one) was able to use thier lack of wisdom against them.

what would have been better was if this man would have approached them, spelling out his plan to destroy them in these ways thinking he was going to trick them, but they had done their studying and they had done their fair share of nestling into God's chest so that they were not intimidated but rather laughed in his face.

breaking this down: i took a few years of the French language through high school and college and have retained a little bit of it, but it would be foolish of me to claim to speak fluently. if i were in France and someone sought to uncover my false claim about being fluent in the language, they could easily come up to me at my car and yell angrily in plain French saying that they were going to put nails in front of my car tires so that when i come out and try to drive away, i would be stranded. i, speaking as little French as i do, may not fully understand other than to know the man is angry and he wishes me ill. this could be frightening! however, if i were fluent in French as i claimed to be, it would be simple to know that if he really followed through with his plan then i needn't be harmed at all. all i have to do is either move the nails before driving over them or reverse out of my spot.

i am saying that church-people are claiming to be fluent in God-speak.

i am saying the devil too is fluent in God-speak.

he is laughing as he speaks his plans to us in God-speak, because he expects us to not understand.

but what if we did?! then, you could laugh back. what the evil one means for harm, God means for good!

use His names, speak them!

Jehovah, The Lord/Unchangeable/Intimate God
Jehovah Jireh, the Lord our Provider
Jehovah Rophe, the Lord my Health
Jehovah Shalom, the Lord my Peace and Wholeness
Jehovah Rohi, the Lord my Shepherd
El Shaddai, All Sufficient One
Jehovah Tsaboth, the Lord of Hosts
Elohim, God our Sovereign Mighty Creator
Jehovah Gmolah, the Lord Who Rewards
Makkeh, the One Who molds me
Adonai, Lord and Master
M'Kaddesh, the Lord My Sanctifier
Nissi, my Banner of Victory
Tsidkenu, my Righteousness
Jehovah Shammah, God is There/Here
ElElyon, God Most High
Elohay, The Lord My God
El Elohe Israel, the Personal God of Israel
Jehovah Eloheenu, The Lord our God

don't boast to be fluent lest your claims be used against you. know the names of God. know His voice, His touch, and His power.

call on the names of The Lord and expect and answer.

spoils of war

i had a dream last night that i had extreme favor. this time, the favor was with a great military leader. this military leader had to make some difficult decisions in some difficult times. apparently, his arm was the strongest, moved the fastest, and was sent into the most dangerous places. i stood before them having seen that he had shaved all their heads and then given them a drink that would, in the weakest ones, cause a mark to appear on their heads. after they drank it, he told them that the ones who had a mark appear on their already bald heads, he would dispose of. they were too week to bother continuing feeding. they only had enough food and drink to sustain the strong ones. they stood at attention, not knowing their own fate, unable to see if there was a mark on their own head or not. there were soooo many of them, lined up at 5-yard intervals. my heart ached to see these lives squelched, and by their vary own leader. but, with this leader, i had EXTREME favor. he not only didn't mind me living, he saw it as an advantage that i ate of the best they had. i ate what was on reserve for the highest military leaders such as himself. he also gave me rights to ALL the personal items belonging to those who were being weeded out his army. one-by-one, as they were disposed of, i was brought bag-by-bag their personal affects to choose to keep as my own or to trash. during my disposing of the first few bags of the dead, i was emotionally wounded...literally sick over the killing of these formerly strong brave men and women soldiers...so much that i hardly looked to claim any of their belongings. i made trips to a military secret base to store away anything i did not want. the first trip i made, i simply held up the goods and told them who sent me. each time after, they saw my face and waived me on...into the secret places, many levels beyond civilian access. on the next trip, i remember traveling fast - cutting the wind from point A to point B and with a lump in my throat, speaking out in my spirit language, and the one traveling with me speaking back that there was a plan. my next time back to where the troops were camped, i opened the bag and found a stack of childrens little train books and those were the first of many things that were given to me that i accepted from this general...this one was a gift for Israel. How could I say no? i could not, with honor, show anything but thankfulness for these "spoils." were i to show sorrow or judgement, none of these things would be mine, as the general would be offended. i woke up before i opened anything else, but there were many many men to go and more than i could ever ask for was to be found within their belongings.

wow, thank You God! i have a lot of processing to do, but i'll be back here to unwind this thing...

in the bags i was presented was more than i could use, but also plenty of all the things i could use: the best books and toys for Izzy, cash, gift cards to all my favorite places, deeds to homes all over the world, deeds to boats and automobiles, the finest jewelry including but not limited to wedding bands, bank account and safe deposit box information, coats boots and hats for immediate use, and the best personal care items.

what i could use, i claimed, what i could not use or carry i put in the secret place. a storehouse, have you. and my identity was the only thing that got me by.

i'm realizing how important it is that we are ourselves fully - that we come into the identity He has for us. there's soooo much more to unravel. i'll be back again later.

more ranch, anyone?

*forgive typos and shorthand. tonight i write with sleeping bebe on my other arm.

lastnight i dreamt of the disgustingness that was fake meat and cheese. this is significant due to the fact that i have temporarily, willingly (not for any outrageous diet nor love of living things) given up eating anything from an animal. so, yes there are times i lust after meat and cheese...but that passes. and, to this point, my cravings have yet to drive me into despiration. despiration, for me looks like a scene from the above mentioned dream--holding out my hand to accept these expensive substitutes for what i really want that will never taste as good no matter how much ranch is involved!

i love that God speaks to me in MY specific language. only He knows how much of a textures person i really am. no mushy canned-turkey-like-meat-substitute will ever replace a juicy thigh morsel. nom nom.

it's also appropriate that He would show me how disgusting it is to indulge in a substitute. in this case, an over-priced tasteless over-processed pre-formed piece of yuca sold in an attempt to satisfy a craving for well-seasoned cooked flesh of a fattened farm animal...preposterous! at what cost will i submit myself to that which is counterfiet?

so, what? i had a stinky fake-meat dream. no. i dreamt about trying to find satisfaction in the wrong form of what's right.

for you and me, that may look a myriad of ways, but it seems the most obvious paralell to draw is by following the words counterfeit and substitute with the word love--conterfeit love, substitute love. of which i have no interest in.

so, why, if i believe in the real thing (love), but have been intentionally obstaining from Godly relationships that may lead to that, do i dare to hold out my hand to accept an emotionally expensive counterfeit?!

you ask...

1-how do i "hold out my hand?" i've held out my hand by batting my eyes (and other things) in the general direction of incredibly kind, attractive, interesting young men who (here's the kicker) are a- emotionally unavailale, b- more interested in their drug-of-choice than their God-of-choice, or c- forget to be gentlemanly over being charming. and oh, i've been charmed. more ranch, anyone?

2-how do i know it's counterfiet? i've been charmed. not intentionally. actually, i've been told in so many words that "this is NOT real meat." and i've been shown. something i'd never do with real meat 'cause it wouldn't need it, dipped in ranch. we dip in ranch everytime we eat. and don't get me wrong, RANCH IS GOOD. it would just be out of place on a filet. but a yuca stick needs some enhancing.

yuca is expensive. *sigh* sadness from "i miss you"s and building discipline to not jump into his arms is a high cost to pay for tasting something that, in the end, doesn't taste or feel like the real stuff anyways.

so, to tie this all together, that temptation does continually arise to open my hands (er heart) to the fake stuff...but i trust my will is stronger than these cravings. i will not be driven to despiration. no more ranch.

commentary on Isaiah 6:10 and how it's applicable today

We may learn here,

(1) That the effect of truth is often to irritate people and make them more wicked.

(2) The truth must, nevertheless, be proclaimed.

This effect is not the fault of the truth; and it is often well that the heart should be known, and the true effect should be seen.



'Go, and proclaim truth to a corrupt and sensual people, and the result will be that they will not hear; they are so wicked that they will not attend to it; they will become even more hardened; yet go, and though certain of producing this effect, still proclaim it.' Isaiah 6:10



See this passage explained in the notes at John 12:40 (at bible.cc) Although, I have to mention this is not the only reference to "sensual" people being dulled/hardened. See also: Matthew 13:15, Acts 28:27, Deuteronomy 29:4, Psalm 69:23, Psalm 119:70, Isaiah 29:10-14, Isaiah 44:18, Isaiah 5:21). I make the above scripture references for the doubters and double-checkers. I tend to do the same thing lest I be lead astray by a single out of context scripture-reference.



I speak on 2 different levels...and therefore to two different hearers...



1-to those who believe that "the mark of a wise prophet is a lack of words." I believe more, the scripturally sound advice that "if God reveals it, He'll heal it." Yes, truth can burn and people can twist truth so that it does real damage BUT again this effect is not the fault of truth!



2-to those who believe for restored vision. i receive my fully restored vision based on the fact that i am not "corrupt and sensual" but "covered and chaste;" and the result will be that i WILL see and hear and I will become more attuned to truth as I go proclaiming it!



'Go, and proclaim truth to a corrupt and sensual people, and the result will be that they will not hear; they are so wicked that they will not attend to it; they will become even more hardened; yet go, and though certain of producing this effect, still proclaim it.' Isaiah 6:10

All In

All In

I have an amazing life! This is not specifically what I chose nor could I have dreamt this up in a million years, but I find myself again sitting in sand...holding a beautiful sleeping baby whose hair is gently blowing in the wind. The beach is mostly vacant and the only sounds are breaking waves and distant laughter. Occasionally a couple walks or runs by dusting us with a few more granules of wonderfulness. 

I am ALL IN! Daddy, if this peace I Now know is what you have for me as I obediently traded in my professional life and pride in small success from climbing a corporate latter and acquiring important sounding titles, I want more. Papa, if this great health, radiant skin, and long life are what You have for me from trading in my late nights of drinking to forget and binging on cakes, candies, and fried foods for comfort...I want more! If closing in on financial freedom is what I have in exchange for high credit limits at every retail store and overflowing closets of clothes that barely cover, I want more...more instruction, more wisdom, more freedom! 
Most people hear OBEDIENCE and wince, but I'm finding if I run straight into it, it yields more than I can fathom. 
Holy Spirit, as there's more of me to give, I surrender it to You as seed. I'm going ALL IN with expectations of a harvest I'm not capable of holding. I expect more than enough to store and 10 times more to share. 

turning nightmare to promise

the title of my first post "turning nightmare to promise," for me is as good as a good belly laugh at satan (and his little evil plots). a heads-up: nightmares are merely the devil's mode of intimidation. he tells us his plans in our sleep to scare us, but funny enough, (if you know how to translate) reveals the amazing plans of our Father "to help us, not to harm us, to prosper us, and give us hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

i'll explain with an example from last night.

i dreamt i was forced away from a gathering of people at gunpoint, into a hotel room. there, it was explained to me that i was to first violate myself, then with an audience of people i know be violated by the enforcer himself. after the directions were given, the audience invited in, and the humiliation set to start, the gun went off. the man with the plan had literally shot himself in the foot! i saw the damage myself...flesh and blood, the pain on his face. at which point, i rushed out of bed to his aid, and tended to the wound prior to walking away.

here are a few promises i gleened from that nightmare...

1-what he asked me to do, he too saw as vile. he wanted me to be defiled...revisited by former shame. note: i have a daughter and no husband.
translation: the devil is intimidated by my purity! (answer to prayer about my identity)

2-he wanted the shame he put on me to be public.
translation: The Lord sees me as a public figure! (answer to prayer about my purpose)

3-the gun was to a) scare me into going against my will and God's and b) to punish me incase i refused.
translation: "no weapon formed against me shall prosper." (insert bible verse here)

4-the bullet hit the enforcer, not me! (ha)
translation: "men may fall to my right and left, but i will not fall" (insert bible verse)

5-he literally "shot himself in the foot." take that figuratively...
translation: the devil's plan is working against him. "If God be for me, then who can be against me." (insert verse here)

6-i experienced the flesh and blood of his wound. this was a message special for me, since i've been a "doubting Thomas"/skeptical of His revealed plan in my life/a true "show-me" girl.
translation: God is showing me, like i asked. "the wicked are bruised for my namesake." (insert verse here)

7-i saw myself run to help a hurt man, despite the fact his intentions were to damage me and my reputation.
translation: an instruction for my life, directions from where i am (struggling with judgement). this is a reminder to rebuke the sin not the sinner, or in other terms, directions to "love thine enemy." (insert verse here)

8-i was allowed to walk away.
translation: all threat is gone. i have no reason to run! "my enemy has been defeated." (insert verse here)

ooooooh satan, you make me laugh! thank You Lord, for opening my eyes to see! readers, be encouraged. i pray that Holy Spirit opens your eyes to see His promises for your life.


*bible verses have not yet been inserted, within quotations are paraphrased sacred scripts...love letters from Daddy